okay some decent progress:
genesis, i checked the relay, it runs a 12VDC coil. as you mentioned and in keeping with the way the relay works, the open circuit showed complete continuity, while the other showed resistance. thx for the diagnostic pointers.
grifty, i ran thru all the pins again to check against the layout. i disconnected the wires from the relay and tested them off and on ignition. checked em all again just like u mentioned, i must have missed the fact that some of my wires weren't powering up.
-------------------------------------------
just got up from downstairs and this is what i did:
86: i noticed that blue/red wire from the ecu was reading 12v when the key was turned. i used this as ignition and plugged it to 86.
85: i ran a brand new ground instead of using the ground wire in the harness, this would eliminate any problems with the wire.
30: i traced the thick blue/white wire that i was using as constant power, noticed it to go thru the firewall and into the engine bay battery side. i assumed this was the wire providing constant power. however, it was reading no voltage either on or off ignition. this may be where the problem lied. for the time being (and seeing as i dont have a head unit) i tapped into the constant 12v line off the headunit harness (with fuse) and into the 30 pin on the harness as main power.
87: i connected this line to the fuel pump positive.
result: car fired up and maintained idle for the first time off the harness!
im gonna go back down and neaten up my wiring. there are now 2 wires that are being unused from the harness (i assume these to be the dud power, and possibly dud ground).
with regards to the pin 30 12v power wire, can i run a new wire from the battery +ve terminal thru the firewall and directly to the relay pin 30? or does it need to be a wire with fuse for safety, or come off the ecu? otherwise im pretty happy with my 87/86 and 85.

