Quote:
Schumi's Secret Diary: Melbourne
Friday April 07 2006
Hello tifosis. It doesn't seem so long ago that I was talking to you before the grand prix at Monza. Some of you may be remembering that my manager Willi Weber announced I would be telling everyone what I was doing with my career by March 2006 and now we are in April and I am not telling anyone yet.
There is a good answer to this. Ask Sabine.
Last time I gave you my insight we did not have such a problem with our piston rings. And this is piston us off, believe me. What with our only-a-little-bit flexible wings and the engine vibration, the Ferrari 248F1 is not quite the kind of car Rory Byrne would have produced for us, though I am very careful not to mention this loudly except in the ear shots of Ross and Jean.
They are working all they can to cure the mechanical problems, and the other driver problem also. Felipe Massa is young and unused to Ferrari speak. When Jean came on the radio in Malaysia to tell him that he was very marginal on fuel - code for slow down and let The Schum come past - he kept on going faster and faster.
Now after Australia he will have to pay more attention as he has caused many repair problems crashing the car twice. I know I also had a small impact with the barrier, but my accident was caused by a well-known track bump (unlike Christian Klien who is a well-known movable bump).
The Australian officials were not appreciative of my suggestion to remove it from the track afterwards; one of them said to me: "So |Schumi, you mean Sato and Ide can steer round it and you can't."
I said, "Yes, but they have half an hour to see it coming."
It was part of my quest to become 50% funnier in 2006, but I am not so sure they appreciated my humour.
It was very funny to read that Max Mosley thinks Flavio Briatore is the best example of an F1 boss. Quite honestly and obviously Jean Todt is the best example of a team boss because he does not lose his temper like a drunken woman on a Saturday night. Flavio likes making the deals yes and he is very funny when you can understand what he is saying, but he is not good at keeping his temper.
Only last weekend he was telling Fisico unspeakable things on the radio in Italian (so Pat told me afterwards at Melbourne Airport) this is not good for motivation. And of course he is remote controlled by Bernie Ecclestone. Now that Eddie Jordan has retired, Bernie has only one glove puppet to play with. Perhaps that is why Max thinks he is such a good boss. That and the fact he is not called Paul Stoddart.
It was a big surprise to me that Mike - The Doberman - Gascoyne has been sacked by Toyota. The last time I heard he was travelling to Germany every day by plane, which is never the best way to commute to work, both for the environment and also for his family. Though I imagine his Frequent Flyer points must have been very good indeed.
From conversations with Ralf I think he wanted to take some of the factory and put it in England, but Toyota wanted to keep it in Cologne. It is not good for their future because there are only a limited number of great technical directors. I can easily see him moving to McLaren - though he would have to become more like Mike - the lovable Colly dog - Gascoyne working for Ron - the Shitzu - Dennis.
As for my future, I am looking forward to a storm-back at Imola. It will be fitting and touching if I can pay tribute to Ayrton by beating his pole record at the track he is most remembered at. It will also stop people asking me THAT question I hate the most, along with: "What do you think of Valentino Rossi?"
Anyway, back to my quest at being 50% funnier
Here's a good one: Why do Elephants have big ears?
Shall I tell you why?
Because noddy wouldn't pay the ransom money.
Yes, I didn't understand it either, but Ross laughed.
The Schum
